'God Forgives...I've learned to let Him take care of me'

By Lisa Burcham

Lisa shared the following testimony at a recent Celebrate Recovery meeting. Celebrate Recovery meets each Sunday at 6 p.m. in Faith Hall. Contact Pam Williams, our recovery ministry leader, for more details: recovery@thefirstfamily.org.

I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. I have been clean and sober for 20 years. I no longer have a drinking or drug problem, but I do have a ‘living’ problem. I have a sinful nature that I must keep in check with daily Bible reading and prayer time. I must allow God to guide my life or I will have a drinking and drug problem again.

I was born in a middle class family – the oldest of three kids. Being first born, I always felt I had to take care of my brothers and that my dad was disappointed I was not a boy. My parents did not drink and I went to church and youth group regularly. I was baptized at age 13 but the church I grew up in did not talk about a personal relationship with Jesus, so I sort of floundered after that.

I never felt like I fit in anywhere. I was overweight and not very popular. Food was my first addiction. I remember my Dad saying one time men did not like fat women so that started my first effort of trying to be what everyone wanted me to be. I was 14 the first time I had a drink. I was at a friend’s house; her dad fixed me a drink. I found out that I could be different with a few drinks in me. I was funny and not shy around boys then. I also got drunk. Now I look back and see that I never took just one drink; I would always get drunk. However, I did not have another drink until graduation. Again I got drunk and also discovered pot. I did things that night I am not proud of and wish I could erase, but God forgives all things if we ask.

I no longer have a drinking or drug problem, but I do have a ‘living’ problem. I have a sinful nature that I must keep in check with daily Bible reading and prayer time.

College introduced me to drugs. We called them “uppers” and “downers.” I also found out I could not take just one pill. I passed college and my state radiology boards by the grace of God. Every job I had after graduation I made sure to find the people who partied. I changed jobs several times trying to get away from my problems, but they were always there. I finally moved to Texas thinking I would find what I was looking for and get a fresh start. I moved in with my aunt first and then my middle brother. My younger brother was still in school. I was 10 years older than him. My parents thought I needed to be married, so that is what I set out to do.

My first husband never knew that I set out to get married and he was it. I had developed an eating disorder by now and I was very thin and not healthy. I was still searching for that something I just could not find. God was looking out for me though. I married in 1980 to a man God had not chosen for me and knew at the reception I had made a big mistake. Still I drank and drugged and stayed married. Three years later I got pregnant and thought ‘this will fix everything.’ I did not drink or do any drugs during my pregnancy. That was God’s doing, not mine. My daughter was born three weeks early but healthy. I was still unhappy and started drinking as soon as I stopped nursing.

When Alyson was 11 months old, my youngest brother David was killed in an accident. He was 18. I flew home with Mark, my middle brother, drinking of course on the plane, to a nightmare I could not wake up from. I had taken care of David when he was little and I felt he was the only one that loved me for who I was. My drinking and drugging got worse as I fell into depression; I could not seem to pull myself out of it. I decided that the answer of course was to move back to Tennessee. So we moved. Back home, I did not know where to get drugs so drinking became all to me. I still smoked pot also.

I do not remember a great deal of Alyson’s childhood to age four. I know I drove drunk and did not take care of her like I should have. God has forgiven me but I have a hard time forgetting. Alyson and I have talked some about it, and I think she has forgiven me.

I finally hit bottom in March 1988. My husband and I did not get along and I stayed drunk most of the time. Again depression took hold and suicide came to mind but again God stayed my hand and I could not go through with it. I went to treatment March 10, 1988. My last drink was March 9. My mom later told me she had called AA about me because she could not watch another of her children die. They told her to let me go and not enable me. She did and said it was the hardest thing she had done.

When I got to treatment, I did not know what to expect and I was scared. God stayed with me the whole time. I learned about AA and steps and letting go and letting God. I found to my amazement that God had been with me all the years I drank and drugged and did things that should have gotten me killed. I never had a wreck, never got a ticket, never went to jail. I only lost one job and that was a miracle. I realized that I was married to a man I did not love and should not have married, but I would try to make it work.

... God forgives and I have learned to let Him take care of me.

I soon realized he did not like me sober because he could not control me and finally filed for a divorce. He told me I would be drunk in three months. I made “90 in 90” which is what they tell you to do and to my amazement I stayed sober. I got a job and an apartment and starting taking care of myself and Alyson. I still did some things I should not have done but God forgives and I have learned to let Him take care of me.

I met my husband Rob at an AA meeting and did not like him. I sensed this man would change my life and I did not want that. Everyone told us to not get married – we only dated three months, but we did because we knew God wanted us together. We just celebrated our eighteenth anniversary. We have three beautiful children together and I love him more now than then.

Through the years I have had good days and bad days but God has always been with me – guiding me, letting me make mistakes, and forgiving me when I fall. Church took the place of AA because I knew I needed more. I needed a personal relationship with Jesus and I could not get that at AA. It took many years for family and friends to trust me again. I started reading my Bible again and finding passages that I could lean on like Philippians 4:13: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I started finding peace and strength. Another passage I love is Philippians 4:19: “And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” He will meet all your needs not “wants.”

I will not say life has been rosy. I still have struggles and sin in my life, “For all sin and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). But God is my strength and Jesus is my salvation. I make it one day at a time through taking a personal inventory and using “my tools” daily – prayer and Bible study. God gave us His Word for a reason, for us to read it and use it. I don’t read as much as I should, but I always pray. God is not always quick to answer, and He does not always say yes, but He has always been there for me. I’m the one who moved.

I pray that all who want recovery will find Celebrate Recovery. This Bible-based recovery program was not around when I got sober. It would have made things a lot easier if it had been. I will leave you with this passage from Romans 5:

“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God and not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance, and perseverance, character and character hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

May God bless you as He has blessed me.